since it's been awhile

What's the word...?

I don’t know what I really want to get out of posting, other than just having the satisfaction of putting something on my blog.

I think I just want to say that I’m doing okay. I’m happy and sad. I’m willing to live the gospel, but scared of what that can mean. There is joy, pain, and peace. There are things I am working on, things I want to work on, and things I’ve already accomplished in getting myself to a better place.

There is a lot I want to say about the Evergreen Conference, about my trip to see the New Kid and Max/Here’s to Hope, about my love for the big screen television at my apartment and the incredible movies I’ve watched recently. There is so much to write, so much of the everyday that is beautiful, so much hope mingled in with the dimness that life will never be too easy.

The movie I was watching is now over, the visitors have left and my roommates have mostly gone to sleep, so I think I’ll rap this up now. Thanks for reading…and I think you should comment and tell me how you’re all doing.

The Infinite Atonement

"I bear testimony that you cannot sink farther than the light and sweeping intelligence of Jesus Christ can reach. I bear testimony that as long as there is one spark of the will to repent and to reach, he is there. He did not just descend to your condition; he descended below it, 'that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth'"

--Truman G. Madsen, Christ and the Inner Life

so. bad. at. blogging.

I have like three different posts I'm working on, none of which will probably ever reach completion. I should just give up on them now.

Anywho, I'm headed out for the weekend to hang out with The New Kid and Max (Here's to Hope) and some really cool catholic girls that used to read my straight blog.

I'm out!

Quote of the Day

"Now I know how to masturbate...what's next?"

--Samantha

Frustrated

It's been a few months since I've felt sad when I eat, but it's happening again. Nothing tastes good, I have no appetite whatsoever, I can't keep my blood sugar anywhere near normal, I want to throw up every time I eat anything substantial and all of that just makes me feel like exploding

When I think about it, I'm not surprised I'm feeling like this, if I can pull through for the next few days I'll be OK and I'll feel much better...

This whole food thing actually caught me off guard a few days ago, I've been doing so well. I thought it was really not going to come up and annoy me again.

But like I mentioned before, this will go away soon enough and I'll be happy again, I have so much to look forward to, there is so much going for me in the now as well. I just need to not let myself be controlled by it this time.

One More for the "Draft" Folder...

I just finished a post and saved it, hopefully I won't feel the need to actually press the publish button on that one. I'm going to complain for a second because:

It's not fair.

It's not what I want for my life right now.

I'm kind of annoyed

So don't be surprised if I drag my feet a little, this is kind of a big step that I don't particularly want to make right now.

sigh

Dammit.

PS This is so scary that I want to throw up.

Cinnamon Bears anyone?

I'm typing this as the toilet in the next room is making a particularly scary whining sound, and the television is on, so don't blame me if this seems disjointed, I'm kind of distracted.

Hmmm Flava just said on The Flava of Love marathon "If it don't apply, let it slide" I'm not quite sure what that means, but it was referring to a cat fight including a purported transvestite and someone they call Pumpkin.

And now there is major drama going down on the re-runs of

America's Next Top Model

I get to hang out with The New Kid in a few weeks when he does the whole "last time speaking in church" before he leaves me for two years to go to some random Spanish speaking country.

A few days after I get back from partying it up The New Kid it's time for the Evergreen Conference, which I'm really excited for. I had a lot of fun last year, and this year is going to be incredible. And I get to hang out with a ton of people that I love. I'm wicked excited.

anywho, yeah. i'm working on a few other posts that I will hopefully be posting soon.