Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Please Kill Me.

Girl, Please!

I’m sick of you sitting in my psychology talking about crap you have no (delete) idea about. You’re a compulsive liar and you just enjoy hearing yourself talk. The only reason you took this class is so you could attempt to get the therapy you obviously need\, but I hate to break it to you, this is Psych 101. NOT your personal therapy session!

You like to make statements and people LOVE to shut you down. You then change your theory.

You also came to class today wearing a wedding ring, and talking about your husband who has “memory issues.” Yet, when you told us your life story the last THREE weeks you NEVER have mentioned him before.

So I’m sure I’m going to add you to the list of people that I despise.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

but then what kind of scale

compares the weight of two beauties

the gravity of duties

or the ground speed of joy?

tell me what kind of gauge

can quantify elation?

what kind of equation

could i possibly employ?

i guess that this is the price

that we pay for the privilege

of living for even a day

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

"I tried to be strong, but life got in the way."

Monday, January 22, 2007

I'm procrastinating homework. So I decided to make a list of things you wouldn't really know about me. Well, you probably won't be surprised, but yeah. I'm bored...give me a break.

--I have rather slender wrists. No big surprise, I'm sure.
--I don't shop at Abercrombie. I'm more of an American Eagle type of person...although their pants don't fit me correctly,
--I have a weak spot for Caramel Ice Storm coffee drinks at the Nordstroms cafe. I crave one everytime I walked into the University Mall.
--Angst is one of my favorite words...although the misspelled form of masturbation (ie masterbation) is my least favorite word.
--I was called on the fact that I have body image issues, and it bugged me because it is true.
--I need a haircut
--I do laundry more than anyone else I know. I don't know how it's physically possible for me to wear so many clothes.
--My favorite Jamba Juice is an Orange Dream Machine. Usually after drinking one of those I want burger king.
--My first name brand pair of shoes I ever owned was a pair of Diesels, I still don't know why it took me 18.5 years for me to accept that I was gay.

--My favorite picture book is the Ghastly Crumb Tinies. It's an alphabet book, I love it! It was my brother's and one of his fag friends took it when he died. Here's an example i found online.

--I wish I had the bargain shopping abilities of my mom.
--I love candy.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Quote of the Day.

"I need to write something on my blog so people will start paying attention to me again."

--El Veneno (the loser extreme of the Queerosphere.

Oh, FJ and The Simple Baker's Son have left the QoS. They are regrettably they latest victims of Gay Mormon Survivor.

Friday, January 19, 2007

"There is power in the blood of Christ, not only to create worlds or part the Red Sea, but to still the storms of the human heart"

--Publishers preface of In Quiet Desperation.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Friday, January 12, 2007


We lost the first contestant in our Gay Mormon Survivor game.

She ended up deleting her blog.

Oh Shnap.

Who will be next to get kicked out of the island?

Sunday, January 07, 2007


A post on the progress of, “The Move Up North” Okay, things have been a little crazy up here.

--Friday was the move-in day; my mom drove up separately to send me off. I spent most of the day buying stuff I forgot to pack, or that I didn’t know I needed. I had lunch with my mom and my cousin at a Fresh-Mex restaurant. After we had our fill of sweet-pork burritos she dropped me off and I was left to fend for myself in the dark cruel world without my mommy monster. I finished up some shopping, made my bed—and then The New Kid called—he was up visiting Salt Lake before he was dropped off at BYU. We walked around Temple Square, took some tours, and flirted with the sister missionaries (total hotties.)

Friday night I watched Saved! It’s the story set at a Christian high school, where the main character’s (Mary) boyfriend (Dean) tells her he is gay. The plot goes forward telling the tale of hypocrisy, high school life, and for me, what being a Christian is all about. After the movie I tried to sleep on one of those horrible dorm room mattresses, you know the ones: Extremely springy, yet overly firm, not to mention covered in plastic so it sounded like I was sleeping on a diaper.

I woke up earlier than expected, 9 AM. Disgusting if you ask me. I blame it mostly on the bed, I can usually sleep at least until 11 AM on days I don’t need to do anything. After trying to get back to sleep, taking a ridiculously long shower, I called my cousin and we went to the cafeteria for an early lunch. I envied the food sitting underneath the heat lamps, wishing that I, too, could be kept at a toasty 93* instead of the 30 something of Salt Lake. The choice was between a ham and cheese toast, or battered halibut. I chose to abstain from said Battered Halibut because the fish wasn’t really at 93* like the thermometer said, but was actually at a temperature that closely reflected that of the chilly outside. I had a cup of water, with some French fries instead.

Today I met with my new bishop; I don’t know how to take him yet. He seems genuine but a bit stiff and rough around the edges. He told me today that the mission isn’t the end all, and then quickly added “You must have felt uncomfortable when they were talking about their mission stories during Elders Quorum. But there are consequences to our actions.”

“I am myself. That is not enough…
My ribs show. What have I eaten?
Lies and smiles.”
Sylvia Plath—chopped and mutilated by yours truly.

PS I think I spotted a lesbian today. The first thing she told me after she saw me, "My brother said never to trust a guy who looks like they take more time to get ready than you do." Seconds after she cracked a joke about flirting with a girl.

Friday, January 05, 2007

angels and airwaves - the adventure

So long Provo. I'm out.

Seeya up north.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Goals for 2007

I fall prey to peer pressure far too easy. but then again, I AM easy. *cough*

1. Gain 15 pounds. Actually make that 30. Over the last month I've lost just abot 15 pounds...not good.

2. Keep my goal friends, possibly add one more person to the "goal friend" list

3. Get B's or A's in school

4. Decrease impulse buying

5. Get out of the US for the first time in my life.

6. And go on a mission.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

New Years Eve

After the church incident, and Samantha left to visit one of her friends, I wished my mother a happy birthday and started my trek to pick up El Veneno from the airport. I love the airport, mostly because I love watching people.

At first I walked into the wrong terminal and witnessed a missionary be reunited with his family. He looked so scared to be at home. I watched a young married man cart his daughter around as they waited for little girl's mom to get home. She held on tightly to her father and looked intently at all the strange faces rushing on past her.

I meandered my way over to the correct terminal, and El Veneno's flight arrived. We loaded up my car with his luggage and headed to downtown to meet up with Pinetree and Brownsugar at an 'authentic' japanese restaurant. I ordered a plate of chicken, yet only ate the rice.

With a few minutes until midnight to go, we left the Japanese place and headed downtown. Pinetree kicked the new year off well, and I, like El Veneno hope you blog about it.

On New Years day El V, Samantha Darrin, their children and I had a very enjoyable lunch, except for the fact that I asperated cocoa powder because someone made me laugh. It was disgusting.

I'm working on a post to summarize 2006, but I'm waiting until saturday to post it, since that will be my 1 year anniversary of me coming to terms with the fact that i'm SSA/Homo/Gay.

When Royalty Visits

Does everyone remember the times when I've written about Brother Expletive Delete? The posts have been numerous, scathing, and downright mean.

Yet, after Sunday, I'm not sure what to think of him.

Let's back track, and set the scene. Ten AM rolls around, and surprisingly I'm out of bed and almost conscious. I heard the obnoxious beeping of my cellphone, look down, the caller ID displays "Samantha Stevens--Cell" I eagerly answered it, wondering what was going on, since I assumed she'd be with her gracious hostess/sister at church. Apparently, there was a terrible bout of gastro-pyrotechnics with her sister's family, and Samantha needed a place to go to church and was wondering if she could visit mine.

Thinking this was a once in a lifetime chance, I accepted. She walked in with her two youngest kids and sat next to me and my parents. Our spot was much more prime than usual. Directly in front of us was The Slow Talker v1.0 with wife, Behind us was Sergeant Gospel Doctrine Teacher, and to the left--Brother Expletive Delete, legs crossed, mismatched dress socks. During the youth speaker's talk his cell phone started beeping, he popped open his briefcase, opened his cell phone and started texting people--occasionally shuffling a paper around to make it seem he was actually doing something acceptable.

After church got out I was speaking with Samantha and her kids in the foyer, Brother Expletive walked up, smiled and nodded at Samantha, then winked.

As the Most Attractive Member of the Queerosphere and the power vested in me by the Queen of the Queer, I hereby rename Brother Expletive Delete as Brother "Honey."

I've also come to the conclusion that old men shouldn't flirt with my friends.