The thread of comments on my last post is now the reason why I won’t hastily write a vague post ever again.
I, like most of you , have counters on your blog so you can tell how many pageloads there are. Over the last few months my average daily page loads have dropped about 40 per day, I can tell when people come to my blog, and for those of you who commented thank you.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my past experiences with meaningful relationships:
From 6th-10th grade there was Suzie. She was one of only two people I told that my brother died. That night I couldn’t stay in my house, so I was in a nearby town staying with my aunt. That’s where she lived, we walked around outside (mind you it was February and very very cold) for almost two hours. Towards the end of our conversation she stopped and told me she’d never, ever stop being my friend. A few months later she distanced herself from me. I was hurting; I had nowhere to go turn. My life continued to fall apart as my brother just older than I was in and out of jail, in different rehab programs. I was alone. My brother left and now Susie left me too. This was when I decided I wouldn’t let anyone near me again.
I had several close friends, they would confide in me everything. This was how I preferred it, I always had the upper hand in the relationship, and I was emotionally detached and had a plethora of dirt I could use on them if they ever chose to pull a Susie.
This is a pattern I continued for the next three and a half years until somebody called me on it.
To be continued (but only if I feel like it)