This is the third intro to a post I’ve written in the last thirty minutes. I’ve deleted everything else because it would only cause a commotion, just take up unnecessary space, and waste your time and mine.
I’m scared that all the planning, analyzing, and the general amount of work that I’ve done the last few months is being taken away from me. I can almost feel some person robbing me of everything that I thought I had built up to protect me. I am now alone with my feelings and it’s terrifyingly daunting.
Keeping myself seemingly stable is taking up a rather large portion of energy, I stay away more than I used to. If I were to stay in most of the social situations I find myself in, I would say some incredibly hurtful things and definitely damage more relationships than I would by steering clear of company.
I need to talk to therapist about the dead brother. I ended up going taking a box of his pictures and books to my apartment and going through them with a friend on Saturday night. After getting to the bottom of the box, I felt hungry. It doesn’t make sense to me but I was happy I wanted to eat something.