Monday, September 25, 2006

My brother

On February 26th of 2003 my oldest brother passed away. He was barely 28, gay, and a drug addict. He overdosed while speed balling. My brother was also the only person in my family that made me feel like I was actually connected...He was brilliant, kind, and a year before he passed away he promised me that he was going to be the best big brother ever. He kept that promise until a few months before he died, when the drugs started to take over his life.

Samantha mentioned a few weeks ago some things about my brother...mainly that I miss him a lot more than I let on...which I do. I wish he was still here, I miss watching movies with him, I miss having him tell about a cool new CD, or him giving me rides to a coffee house so I can get a caramel white hot chocolate, while he got one of his pretentious caffeine fixes. The last few years of his life he was dating one of the best guys that I knew, they were both happy and he took care of my brother. Since my brother passed away, his boyfriend has stayed in touch and made sure that I made it through adolescence without too much damage. I was thinking about that today, so I decided to rummage through his boxes we have in the attic... I found his journal, is faux journal (the diary of a wanna be scenester) I forgot how artistic he was! Towards the end of his life he was doing portraits of his favorite music artists strictly by shading in with lyrics to their songs.

Maybe I’m just imagining this, but I think we have the same smile.





I'm not sad that I went through his things today, I'm actually really happy that I did. I miss him, and I'm okay with that.

8 comments:

Linds said...

You two do look amazingly alike.

Sorry it has been a while, I am currently without internet.

I have to tell ya... "the missionary department wanted to make sure I was seeing my bishop every month to make sure I'm not suicidal, buying a rainbow thong,or moving to San Fran"

Best quote ever... I forgot I was in a library when I read it and laughed out loud... now I'm just that weird lesbian girl laughing out loud in the library...

Yay for the first day of school...

Samantha said...

Hey my friend--I loved this post. Your brother is beautiful--thank you for sharing him with us. You are truly amazing and I love you.

socal said...

Thanks for sharing. It was really good to hang out with you at the EG Conference. You're brother sounds like a very caring individual. I wish that type of relationship with my own brother.

Angel Feathers Tickle Me said...

Love to all......

Darrin said...

Wonderful to hear about your brother! I wish I could have known him too.

What the heck to these guys have against rainbow thongs and San Fran?!?!?! The nerve...!

Hey, I'd love to have those quotes/notes from Ty. Thanks for the offer. I think they would help a lot. You can email them to: mortalrealm@gmail.com

Thanks. See ya in a few weeks.

duckygub said...

That's cool that you and your brother were close. and you two do look a lot a like. that's what people say about me and my oldest bro. mainly because my other bro has brown, straight hair, and me and my oldest bro have blonde curly/wavy hair. but yeah. I haven't really been as close to my bros like you were with yours mainly because there is such an age difference.

Kengo Biddles said...

To all of you that have brothers, cherish them like our buddy here does...some of us aren't blessed with them, period.

A very honest and moving post. You can really feel the pathos of it.

Anonymous said...

I'm sad I've never had a really close brother. Maybe it's the SSA that keeps me from being honest with them, I don't know (although I've suspected they may struggle as well).

But, I guess, that's just part of the whole issue with me not ever having the degree of male intimacy I want/need. Sorry for being so clinical on your post. It was a good one.

Thanks.