Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Closing Frightened Eyes

While At Work...

[written yesterday] Today while I was helping an elderly woman a young man walked up to my coworker and purchased In Quiet Desperation. I managed to say that it was a good book he was getting, nothing more. I really wanted to talk to him and let him know that he wasn't alone, give him the necessary contact information in case he needed some support, and to let him know that people are praying for him and love him. I never, ever want someone to feel as alone as I did. I can't help but feel like I failed.

Things Are Getting Better...

Last night was FHE the topic was great and the socializing was just as good. I love getting hugs from Sister Matis. More to come on that topic...maybe

Accepting the Ride
I'm still working every day on letting go of the option of a physical relationship with a man. The last few nights I've been dreaming of a few people I'm currently man-crushing [nothing dirty, you sickos] but this morning I remembered that letting go is an every day thing, it was the most liberating feeling.

The last few weeks I've been paying extra attention to what I'm feeling, tracking emotions on a daily basis. As you can probably tell there is dedfinitely a roller coaster that I'm on and I don't think I'll be able to get off of it for a while. One thing that I need to talk to Therapist about is evening out those dramatic lows. anyway...now I'm rambing.

I guess what I'm attempting to say, is that I'm willing to do the work to get me to a place where I'm not in so much pain, and I know it will be worthwhile.


Stephalumpagus said...

Don't forget that you need to work on that Chaco tan. :) I love you.

Kengo Biddles said...

Chaco tan = imperative.