I had a conversation with God last night. It’s been happening more lately, and I kind of like it. I’m glad I’m the only one in my apartment right now; otherwise my roommates would think I am crazy.
Last night we talked about me serving a mission, I’m kind of scared that I won’t be able to because of mental health reasons, along with the whole being morally clean thing. We talked about some ways of helping with that. He just said I have a long time to serve a mission.
I told Him that I was scared that the only people I’ve began to trust are leaving, or are planning on not being here for long. He understands, and He knows that it’s causing me some anxiety.
Towards the end of our conversation I told Him that I was sad and scared, and I didn’t want to think about dying anymore, and that I wanted to be happy. I then felt peace.
Today I felt okay. I didn’t think about dying, which is the first day in about two weeks that hasn’t happened, I got a hug from Skyblue Pink when she paid me a compliment, and work wasn’t too dreadful. I felt like I had some purpose, I felt like I had some peace.
About Me
- AttemptingthePath
- I’m a twenty-nothing who is trying desperately to figure out my seemingly complicated life that includes being a SSA/Homo/Gay/Whatever Mormon that has pathetically little control over my emotions. By day, I sell priestcrafts (“Have you heard of the new John Bytheway fireside on DVD?” It’s 20% off right now) to old women, who, in fact, think I’m quite endearing and buy four of said DVD. I’m going to pretend that the inverse of the previous statement isn’t necessary because I don’t think it’s any of your business what I do by night. I’ve been described as “adorable, yet offensive,” (OriginalMohomie, 2007) and “Immature.” (Master FOB, numerous occasions) I am still in love with Natalie Portman, hooded-sweatshirts, and quoting movies. And just like my last “about me”, this one is going to peter out at the end. Just … like … now.
7 comments:
Keep talking to Him, AtP. Remember that He loves you--and so do I.
FWIW, I was 22 when I left on my mission. We had one elder in my mission who was 35.
Regarding mental health issues, as long as you are fully functional and able to withstand the rigors of a mission then you are eligible to serve a mission - even if you have to take medication. (I can send you a quote from the church general handbook of instructions, if you would like).
Ditto what Samantha said! I miss you!!!
AtP, something that I have learned in my talks with God is that if He wants you to do something, He will provide a way for you to do it. You shouldn't question it. He tells you to go on a mission. Don't worry about your mental health issues. You will be perfectly fine.
I personally think that you would be a great missionary! You are so great and lovable. Who wouldn't love AtP?
I'm really glad that you are feeling better because it makes me so happy! Let's play soon!
Listen to nobody but God about your mission -- He is the only one who truly knows how you can best serve Him in your life.
Of equal importance, trust your relationship with Him and your ability to receive personal revelation.
And eat lots of chocolate...
that is awesome
You and God seem to be on pretty good conversational terms. That's very cool. Something for me to work on.
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