Last night I began wondering what my life will be like when I’m older. Will I have anyone to take care of me if or when I get ill, or perhaps what will I do when I become too old to take care of myself and have no family to help me?
I must admit this was the first time I’ve thought about this. When I’ve visualized my future, it never really goes that far. I remember a reoccurring dream when I was 17; I died of leukemia before I was even thirty. I’ve never really been fantastic when thinking about what I would like my life to be when I’m twice, or three times my current age.
My parents worry, I know they do. They worry about if I’ll choose to take my life, if I’ll leave church, or what will happen to me when they pass away.
I woke up this morning, afraid that my life was going to be lonely, that I was going to actually live, and I would have to face that loneliness and decide what to do with it.
About Me
- AttemptingthePath
- I’m a twenty-nothing who is trying desperately to figure out my seemingly complicated life that includes being a SSA/Homo/Gay/Whatever Mormon that has pathetically little control over my emotions. By day, I sell priestcrafts (“Have you heard of the new John Bytheway fireside on DVD?” It’s 20% off right now) to old women, who, in fact, think I’m quite endearing and buy four of said DVD. I’m going to pretend that the inverse of the previous statement isn’t necessary because I don’t think it’s any of your business what I do by night. I’ve been described as “adorable, yet offensive,” (OriginalMohomie, 2007) and “Immature.” (Master FOB, numerous occasions) I am still in love with Natalie Portman, hooded-sweatshirts, and quoting movies. And just like my last “about me”, this one is going to peter out at the end. Just … like … now.
6 comments:
I've wished for cancer before. That's not really a good thing. Just remember, you are never truly alone. Being alone is a choice because there are always people around you who love you regardless of whether that relationship is romantic or not. Trust that people love you.
AtP
agirlwho is right. You are never truly alone.
Another thing is you really cannot tell what the future will bring. After 30 years of a temple marriage, my wife decided to divorce me and marry another guy. That was ten years ago. I still have the Church in my life and my extended family, and good friends, even though I live alone.
However, there are two people you can always count on. One is yourself and one is the Lord. I've gotten to be pretty good friends with myself and with Him and I have reason to think I'll never be lonely. I really enjoy the time I get to spend doing just what I like. Also, there are always good people around like at Church and in so many other places who I do things with or just rub shoulders with when I am out and about.
I saw a wonderful production of INTO THE WOODS recently at BYU-H. I love the song in it called "NO ONE IS ALONE." Check out the lyrics if you need some comfort.
Here is a snippet from that song. These words are sung by Cinderella:
*****
Mother cannot guide you.
Now you're on your own.
Only me beside you.
Still, you're not alone.
No one is alone. Truly.
No one is alone.
Sometimes people leave you.
Halfway through the wood.
Others may decieve you.
You decide what's good.
You decide alone.
But no one is alone.
*****
Just keep coming to Preparation for Life class with us, and you'll be fine. Remember, you can be successful regardless of your marital status. ;)
I'm not sure what condition I'll be in, AtP, but I promise to take care of you when you're older. I've worked in a care center before, so let's just say that I'm an expert when it comes to feeding people mashed up meals. :)
And when you're lonely, call me.
I'm surprised this is the first time you have thought of this, but you are young. When I was younger, I had a hard time seeing the future as well. The older I've gotten, the more I've realized we can't see the future. I hope you will never be alone. Just make sure you always surround yourself with good people.
I don't know if you ever count the comments on your old posts or if you have some way of knowing this is here . . . you might never see this . . . but I thought it was an interesting coincidence. I've also gotten the impression multiple times, though not in dream form, that I'd die before thirty. No cause specified for me, but still. Dead by thirty, I thought, so I'd better make the years count.
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