I currently have 27 posts saved as drafts for this particular blog. I can't publish any of it. I wish I could have kept my readership at a distance, I'm too scared my friends read my blog, there are things people can't know about me: I'm too broken, too ugly, too scared.
Someone like me shouldn't feel so sad. I have friends, an OK job, a car that runs well, and a few people that I know care very much for me. I really do have everything--why can't I be happy? Why can't I feel whole?
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2 comments:
AtP,
We all have broken parts. We all have ugly confessions. We all have been scared of rejection and perhaps are scared right now. We are all in a "Draft" stage; we're not done with ourselves yet. However, life occurs in the present--we must move forward and "Publish" ourselves, but don't forget, we can always go back and "edit."
So, you have 27 drafts lurking beneath the surface of your public image that are too painful or too revealing to acknowledge to your friends who know and love you?
"--why can't I be happy? Why can't I feel whole?"
Your answer may be in those festering posts. However, what you choose to reveal about yourself is your business. My only advice is to find a way to allow yourself to be more vulnerable, to open up, and have faith and forgiveness in yourself and in others. This allows change and happiness and wholeness to happen.
Don't make any more excuses for being in Draft form, for being less than perfect. (Alma 34:33) Today is a new day; there is ample cause for hope.
I am the LDS mother of a gender variant/transgender child. Cammie transitioned this summer. I would like for you to visit my blog - I hope you will find comfort in the posts there. Please feel free to contact me at any time. I would love to talk to you... what's most important right now is that you know that you are NOT alone. A close friend of mine is gay and LDS. He's amazing and he has a blog... http://jayforbiddenfruit.blogspot.com
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