I’m more alone than I ever have been this past week. The most human contact I’ve had has been with my roommate and the mildly handicapped people that I work with at Your Local Inspirational Bookstore: The Remix. It's pathetic.
My laptop has crashed three times today. It isn't supposed to do that. And that really pisses me off.
I'm a mess financially, I'm in debt up to my ears and I've had to ask my parents for money three times--something I haven't had to do since I was 15.
I'm angry all the time; at people around me, at myself. And for stupid things too, basically I'm angry at people for not being able to read my mind and realize how messed up I am. After work I made a quick stop off at a mall and went back to my dorm. I spent some time reading and tried to sleep but I couldn't because I was just so, so angry.
in addition to being angry all of the time, i'm really afraid. I hate how disabling it can be sometimes
I'm moving back to Provo the end of this semester just because I'm freaking miserable here. Yeah, I know i'm running away. Think Ani DiFranco, "I want my friends, I want my old face, I want my old mind--F--- this time and place"
I'm reading the re-released version of "All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience," that just came out a few days ago, and it's a really good book. I've learned a lot in there.
I'm getting a hair cut on Monday. I can't wait.
I'm slowly gaining more influence at work and the old women are finally starting to realize I have good ideas--so we're changing things around. i still have a list of things I want to have changed, on the top of that list I want to instigate alphabetizing our product. I know. shocking idea, isn't it?
I've been able to talk to a few people the past few days that have been amazing helps and they've helped me realize that God hasn't forgotten me, and that even though I feel like no one is there for me, I know I'm not.
i'm praying more than usual, turns out God is a great listener... and He loves me... hmmm Who knew?