Girl, Please!
I’m sick of you sitting in my psychology talking about crap you have no (delete) idea about. You’re a compulsive liar and you just enjoy hearing yourself talk. The only reason you took this class is so you could attempt to get the therapy you obviously need\, but I hate to break it to you, this is Psych 101. NOT your personal therapy session!
You like to make statements and people LOVE to shut you down. You then change your theory.
You also came to class today wearing a wedding ring, and talking about your husband who has “memory issues.” Yet, when you told us your life story the last THREE weeks you NEVER have mentioned him before.
So I’m sure I’m going to add you to the list of people that I despise.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
I'm procrastinating homework. So I decided to make a list of things you wouldn't really know about me. Well, you probably won't be surprised, but yeah. I'm bored...give me a break.
--I have rather slender wrists. No big surprise, I'm sure.
--I don't shop at Abercrombie. I'm more of an American Eagle type of person...although their pants don't fit me correctly,
--I have a weak spot for Caramel Ice Storm coffee drinks at the Nordstroms cafe. I crave one everytime I walked into the University Mall.
--Angst is one of my favorite words...although the misspelled form of masturbation (ie masterbation) is my least favorite word.
--I was called on the fact that I have body image issues, and it bugged me because it is true.
--I need a haircut
--I do laundry more than anyone else I know. I don't know how it's physically possible for me to wear so many clothes.
--My favorite Jamba Juice is an Orange Dream Machine. Usually after drinking one of those I want burger king.
--My first name brand pair of shoes I ever owned was a pair of Diesels, I still don't know why it took me 18.5 years for me to accept that I was gay.
--My favorite picture book is the Ghastly Crumb Tinies. It's an alphabet book, I love it! It was my brother's and one of his fag friends took it when he died. Here's an example i found online.
--I wish I had the bargain shopping abilities of my mom.
--I love candy.
--I have rather slender wrists. No big surprise, I'm sure.
--I don't shop at Abercrombie. I'm more of an American Eagle type of person...although their pants don't fit me correctly,
--I have a weak spot for Caramel Ice Storm coffee drinks at the Nordstroms cafe. I crave one everytime I walked into the University Mall.
--Angst is one of my favorite words...although the misspelled form of masturbation (ie masterbation) is my least favorite word.
--I was called on the fact that I have body image issues, and it bugged me because it is true.
--I need a haircut
--I do laundry more than anyone else I know. I don't know how it's physically possible for me to wear so many clothes.
--My favorite Jamba Juice is an Orange Dream Machine. Usually after drinking one of those I want burger king.
--My first name brand pair of shoes I ever owned was a pair of Diesels, I still don't know why it took me 18.5 years for me to accept that I was gay.
--My favorite picture book is the Ghastly Crumb Tinies. It's an alphabet book, I love it! It was my brother's and one of his fag friends took it when he died. Here's an example i found online.
--I wish I had the bargain shopping abilities of my mom.
--I love candy.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Quote of the Day.
"I need to write something on my blog so people will start paying attention to me again."
--El Veneno (the loser extreme of the Queerosphere.
Oh, FJ and The Simple Baker's Son have left the QoS. They are regrettably they latest victims of Gay Mormon Survivor.
--El Veneno (the loser extreme of the Queerosphere.
Oh, FJ and The Simple Baker's Son have left the QoS. They are regrettably they latest victims of Gay Mormon Survivor.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
...
A post on the progress of, “The Move Up North” Okay, things have been a little crazy up here.
--Friday was the move-in day; my mom drove up separately to send me off. I spent most of the day buying stuff I forgot to pack, or that I didn’t know I needed. I had lunch with my mom and my cousin at a Fresh-Mex restaurant. After we had our fill of sweet-pork burritos she dropped me off and I was left to fend for myself in the dark cruel world without my mommy monster. I finished up some shopping, made my bed—and then The New Kid called—he was up visiting Salt Lake before he was dropped off at BYU. We walked around Temple Square, took some tours, and flirted with the sister missionaries (total hotties.)
Friday night I watched Saved! It’s the story set at a Christian high school, where the main character’s (Mary) boyfriend (Dean) tells her he is gay. The plot goes forward telling the tale of hypocrisy, high school life, and for me, what being a Christian is all about. After the movie I tried to sleep on one of those horrible dorm room mattresses, you know the ones: Extremely springy, yet overly firm, not to mention covered in plastic so it sounded like I was sleeping on a diaper.
I woke up earlier than expected, 9 AM. Disgusting if you ask me. I blame it mostly on the bed, I can usually sleep at least until 11 AM on days I don’t need to do anything. After trying to get back to sleep, taking a ridiculously long shower, I called my cousin and we went to the cafeteria for an early lunch. I envied the food sitting underneath the heat lamps, wishing that I, too, could be kept at a toasty 93* instead of the 30 something of Salt Lake. The choice was between a ham and cheese toast, or battered halibut. I chose to abstain from said Battered Halibut because the fish wasn’t really at 93* like the thermometer said, but was actually at a temperature that closely reflected that of the chilly outside. I had a cup of water, with some French fries instead.
Today I met with my new bishop; I don’t know how to take him yet. He seems genuine but a bit stiff and rough around the edges. He told me today that the mission isn’t the end all, and then quickly added “You must have felt uncomfortable when they were talking about their mission stories during Elders Quorum. But there are consequences to our actions.”
“I am myself. That is not enough…
My ribs show. What have I eaten?
Lies and smiles.”
Sylvia Plath—chopped and mutilated by yours truly.
PS I think I spotted a lesbian today. The first thing she told me after she saw me, "My brother said never to trust a guy who looks like they take more time to get ready than you do." Seconds after she cracked a joke about flirting with a girl.
--Friday was the move-in day; my mom drove up separately to send me off. I spent most of the day buying stuff I forgot to pack, or that I didn’t know I needed. I had lunch with my mom and my cousin at a Fresh-Mex restaurant. After we had our fill of sweet-pork burritos she dropped me off and I was left to fend for myself in the dark cruel world without my mommy monster. I finished up some shopping, made my bed—and then The New Kid called—he was up visiting Salt Lake before he was dropped off at BYU. We walked around Temple Square, took some tours, and flirted with the sister missionaries (total hotties.)
Friday night I watched Saved! It’s the story set at a Christian high school, where the main character’s (Mary) boyfriend (Dean) tells her he is gay. The plot goes forward telling the tale of hypocrisy, high school life, and for me, what being a Christian is all about. After the movie I tried to sleep on one of those horrible dorm room mattresses, you know the ones: Extremely springy, yet overly firm, not to mention covered in plastic so it sounded like I was sleeping on a diaper.
I woke up earlier than expected, 9 AM. Disgusting if you ask me. I blame it mostly on the bed, I can usually sleep at least until 11 AM on days I don’t need to do anything. After trying to get back to sleep, taking a ridiculously long shower, I called my cousin and we went to the cafeteria for an early lunch. I envied the food sitting underneath the heat lamps, wishing that I, too, could be kept at a toasty 93* instead of the 30 something of Salt Lake. The choice was between a ham and cheese toast, or battered halibut. I chose to abstain from said Battered Halibut because the fish wasn’t really at 93* like the thermometer said, but was actually at a temperature that closely reflected that of the chilly outside. I had a cup of water, with some French fries instead.
Today I met with my new bishop; I don’t know how to take him yet. He seems genuine but a bit stiff and rough around the edges. He told me today that the mission isn’t the end all, and then quickly added “You must have felt uncomfortable when they were talking about their mission stories during Elders Quorum. But there are consequences to our actions.”
“I am myself. That is not enough…
My ribs show. What have I eaten?
Lies and smiles.”
Sylvia Plath—chopped and mutilated by yours truly.
PS I think I spotted a lesbian today. The first thing she told me after she saw me, "My brother said never to trust a guy who looks like they take more time to get ready than you do." Seconds after she cracked a joke about flirting with a girl.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Goals for 2007
I fall prey to peer pressure far too easy. but then again, I AM easy. *cough*
1. Gain 15 pounds. Actually make that 30. Over the last month I've lost just abot 15 pounds...not good.
2. Keep my goal friends, possibly add one more person to the "goal friend" list
3. Get B's or A's in school
4. Decrease impulse buying
5. Get out of the US for the first time in my life.
6. And go on a mission.
1. Gain 15 pounds. Actually make that 30. Over the last month I've lost just abot 15 pounds...not good.
2. Keep my goal friends, possibly add one more person to the "goal friend" list
3. Get B's or A's in school
4. Decrease impulse buying
5. Get out of the US for the first time in my life.
6. And go on a mission.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
New Years Eve
After the church incident, and Samantha left to visit one of her friends, I wished my mother a happy birthday and started my trek to pick up El Veneno from the airport. I love the airport, mostly because I love watching people.
At first I walked into the wrong terminal and witnessed a missionary be reunited with his family. He looked so scared to be at home. I watched a young married man cart his daughter around as they waited for little girl's mom to get home. She held on tightly to her father and looked intently at all the strange faces rushing on past her.
I meandered my way over to the correct terminal, and El Veneno's flight arrived. We loaded up my car with his luggage and headed to downtown to meet up with Pinetree and Brownsugar at an 'authentic' japanese restaurant. I ordered a plate of chicken, yet only ate the rice.
With a few minutes until midnight to go, we left the Japanese place and headed downtown. Pinetree kicked the new year off well, and I, like El Veneno hope you blog about it.
On New Years day El V, Samantha Darrin, their children and I had a very enjoyable lunch, except for the fact that I asperated cocoa powder because someone made me laugh. It was disgusting.
I'm working on a post to summarize 2006, but I'm waiting until saturday to post it, since that will be my 1 year anniversary of me coming to terms with the fact that i'm SSA/Homo/Gay.
At first I walked into the wrong terminal and witnessed a missionary be reunited with his family. He looked so scared to be at home. I watched a young married man cart his daughter around as they waited for little girl's mom to get home. She held on tightly to her father and looked intently at all the strange faces rushing on past her.
I meandered my way over to the correct terminal, and El Veneno's flight arrived. We loaded up my car with his luggage and headed to downtown to meet up with Pinetree and Brownsugar at an 'authentic' japanese restaurant. I ordered a plate of chicken, yet only ate the rice.
With a few minutes until midnight to go, we left the Japanese place and headed downtown. Pinetree kicked the new year off well, and I, like El Veneno hope you blog about it.
On New Years day El V, Samantha Darrin, their children and I had a very enjoyable lunch, except for the fact that I asperated cocoa powder because someone made me laugh. It was disgusting.
I'm working on a post to summarize 2006, but I'm waiting until saturday to post it, since that will be my 1 year anniversary of me coming to terms with the fact that i'm SSA/Homo/Gay.
When Royalty Visits
Does everyone remember the times when I've written about Brother Expletive Delete? The posts have been numerous, scathing, and downright mean.
Yet, after Sunday, I'm not sure what to think of him.
Let's back track, and set the scene. Ten AM rolls around, and surprisingly I'm out of bed and almost conscious. I heard the obnoxious beeping of my cellphone, look down, the caller ID displays "Samantha Stevens--Cell" I eagerly answered it, wondering what was going on, since I assumed she'd be with her gracious hostess/sister at church. Apparently, there was a terrible bout of gastro-pyrotechnics with her sister's family, and Samantha needed a place to go to church and was wondering if she could visit mine.
Thinking this was a once in a lifetime chance, I accepted. She walked in with her two youngest kids and sat next to me and my parents. Our spot was much more prime than usual. Directly in front of us was The Slow Talker v1.0 with wife, Behind us was Sergeant Gospel Doctrine Teacher, and to the left--Brother Expletive Delete, legs crossed, mismatched dress socks. During the youth speaker's talk his cell phone started beeping, he popped open his briefcase, opened his cell phone and started texting people--occasionally shuffling a paper around to make it seem he was actually doing something acceptable.
After church got out I was speaking with Samantha and her kids in the foyer, Brother Expletive walked up, smiled and nodded at Samantha, then winked.
As the Most Attractive Member of the Queerosphere and the power vested in me by the Queen of the Queer, I hereby rename Brother Expletive Delete as Brother "Honey."
I've also come to the conclusion that old men shouldn't flirt with my friends.
Yet, after Sunday, I'm not sure what to think of him.
Let's back track, and set the scene. Ten AM rolls around, and surprisingly I'm out of bed and almost conscious. I heard the obnoxious beeping of my cellphone, look down, the caller ID displays "Samantha Stevens--Cell" I eagerly answered it, wondering what was going on, since I assumed she'd be with her gracious hostess/sister at church. Apparently, there was a terrible bout of gastro-pyrotechnics with her sister's family, and Samantha needed a place to go to church and was wondering if she could visit mine.
Thinking this was a once in a lifetime chance, I accepted. She walked in with her two youngest kids and sat next to me and my parents. Our spot was much more prime than usual. Directly in front of us was The Slow Talker v1.0 with wife, Behind us was Sergeant Gospel Doctrine Teacher, and to the left--Brother Expletive Delete, legs crossed, mismatched dress socks. During the youth speaker's talk his cell phone started beeping, he popped open his briefcase, opened his cell phone and started texting people--occasionally shuffling a paper around to make it seem he was actually doing something acceptable.
After church got out I was speaking with Samantha and her kids in the foyer, Brother Expletive walked up, smiled and nodded at Samantha, then winked.
As the Most Attractive Member of the Queerosphere and the power vested in me by the Queen of the Queer, I hereby rename Brother Expletive Delete as Brother "Honey."
I've also come to the conclusion that old men shouldn't flirt with my friends.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
#137
Some things take longer to process than others. For example, having a light lunch with a friend where you are discussing the latest life choices of L. Lohan doesn't take as much energy as say, spending countless hours with the Queen of the Queerosphere laughing, and trying to pick up on every single glance, hand motion, double meanings, and that awkward looking man in the Hawaiian shirt in my peripheral vision.
I got my Christmas present, from the Queen and her ever so dedicated husband, and I must say I've never seen a Tshirt loaded with so many meanings :the obvious, the personal, and the\ disgusting innuendo.
I'm laying in my bed, not quite sure what to think or feel, which in turn is an excellent reason why I haven't typed anthing for the last five minutes.
For one, I'm not very happy with the way my blog is going, but I should be. Remember when it was all inspirational? Great quotes, and all that jazz? Now it's just me whining all the freaking time. I feel like maybe I'm being more honest with myself, yet, I'm noticing I'm not having any spiritual experiences. I need to work on that one.
Tonight we hit a topic that I'm very grateful we only spent a moment on, that is The Blunder (which is not to be confused with The Blender which is the given name of one of my Christmas presents) I realized just how terrifying of a sitaution I was really in. How grateful I am that I have a Heavenly Father who helped me get out of a mess I willingly threw myself into.
I got my Christmas present, from the Queen and her ever so dedicated husband, and I must say I've never seen a Tshirt loaded with so many meanings :the obvious, the personal, and the\ disgusting innuendo.
I'm laying in my bed, not quite sure what to think or feel, which in turn is an excellent reason why I haven't typed anthing for the last five minutes.
For one, I'm not very happy with the way my blog is going, but I should be. Remember when it was all inspirational? Great quotes, and all that jazz? Now it's just me whining all the freaking time. I feel like maybe I'm being more honest with myself, yet, I'm noticing I'm not having any spiritual experiences. I need to work on that one.
Tonight we hit a topic that I'm very grateful we only spent a moment on, that is The Blunder (which is not to be confused with The Blender which is the given name of one of my Christmas presents) I realized just how terrifying of a sitaution I was really in. How grateful I am that I have a Heavenly Father who helped me get out of a mess I willingly threw myself into.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
I really don't like coming up with titles
1. This is my last week of work at Your Local Inspirational Bookstore. I'm very, very excited.
2. I've come to the realization that I need to find some other coping mechanisms. I hate the ones that I'm currently using, and as soon as said method I can feel the emotions that I've put off creeping around in the back of my mind waiting to pounce on me again.
3. Ive gotten like 6 or 7 emails via myspace from "Mr. C." (Please refer to "An Open Response to an Email, November 2006,") in the last 36 hours. The first five emails were him flip flopping from chastising me for being a not-so-good person, then apologizing. Then he noticed that I forwarded them to a friend, he sent me another email asking who I forwarded them to. I asked him never to email me again, and a few minutes later I had a lengthy response which included fun things like accusing me of being a racist, a hypocrite, and judging people for not looking like Abercrombie and Fitch models.
Girl please: I'm pretty sure I'm not a racist (I mean, I would have friends who aren't white ...if there were any around Provo...) I'll own up to the hypocrite one, but if he thinks i'm bad now, he should've seen me back in high school. I was great at sluffing school to go home to look at porn and then go back to seminary and quote scripture pretending to be the perfect mormon boy. Then Mr. C. said I wasn't his friend because he isn't an A&F model. The thing is, it isn't about looks. I mean, for those of you who have actually seen me can say that I'm not attractive. I'm a gangly awkward looking kid with girly wrists who has REALLY bad posture. I'm thinking more about this topic. I'll post more later.
4. I think it'd be great to have a Gay Mormon Survivor. We can vote people out of The Family. The prize can be like a day at the salon, or a paid trip to the Evergreen Conference, which is hella fun if youre hanging out with Samantha and I.
5. Christmas was good. I took a really long nap, which is why i'm typing this at 4:15 AM.
6. I need to find something cool to do on New Years Eve.
2. I've come to the realization that I need to find some other coping mechanisms. I hate the ones that I'm currently using, and as soon as said method I can feel the emotions that I've put off creeping around in the back of my mind waiting to pounce on me again.
3. Ive gotten like 6 or 7 emails via myspace from "Mr. C." (Please refer to "An Open Response to an Email, November 2006,") in the last 36 hours. The first five emails were him flip flopping from chastising me for being a not-so-good person, then apologizing. Then he noticed that I forwarded them to a friend, he sent me another email asking who I forwarded them to. I asked him never to email me again, and a few minutes later I had a lengthy response which included fun things like accusing me of being a racist, a hypocrite, and judging people for not looking like Abercrombie and Fitch models.
Girl please: I'm pretty sure I'm not a racist (I mean, I would have friends who aren't white ...if there were any around Provo...) I'll own up to the hypocrite one, but if he thinks i'm bad now, he should've seen me back in high school. I was great at sluffing school to go home to look at porn and then go back to seminary and quote scripture pretending to be the perfect mormon boy. Then Mr. C. said I wasn't his friend because he isn't an A&F model. The thing is, it isn't about looks. I mean, for those of you who have actually seen me can say that I'm not attractive. I'm a gangly awkward looking kid with girly wrists who has REALLY bad posture. I'm thinking more about this topic. I'll post more later.
4. I think it'd be great to have a Gay Mormon Survivor. We can vote people out of The Family. The prize can be like a day at the salon, or a paid trip to the Evergreen Conference, which is hella fun if youre hanging out with Samantha and I.
5. Christmas was good. I took a really long nap, which is why i'm typing this at 4:15 AM.
6. I need to find something cool to do on New Years Eve.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
The Oil and the Water
I've been able to think things over a little, mostly while my parents, older brother and I went about the usual Christmas Eve activities.
In the town where we burried my brother, they have a tradition where families bring illuminaries to put on the gravesites. It's usually really pretty with all this faint lights decorating graves. I didn't get to fully appreciate it this year since we were early and most of the gravesites weren't lit up yet. After we dropped a lantern at my brother's grave we drove to the crazy grandma's house.
During the drive to Crazy Grandma's house I remembered a week ago when I apologized to my mom for something that may happen in the future: Me being hospitalized in an institution of some sort. She looked at me, obviously concerned, then I walked away, went into my room, texted a few people and hid in the corner for a while. After a while I looked at the angles in my room and planned ways to better arrange the picture to lessen the focus on the window in my bedroom. I felt better after that. After I remembered that I felt better. I don't know why.
I felt a little selfish when we pulled into my grandma's driveway, so I pulled myself out of it. I walked into her house, grabbed some Ritz crackers, a bit of the cheese ball, and a cup of wassle. I placed myself against the entertainment center partially participating in the conversation. I learned that my step cousin is the cheerleading coach where The New Kid is from, and she is also getting married the same day that my little cousin is.
My family asked about how many days until I move, they asked me if I was excited. I didn't really want to talk, so I let my mom and let her tell ridiculous stories about, "not letting the door hit me on my way out"
I find myself wanting to find a boyfriend. You know that lame idealistic fantasy that I'm sure you all have, where everything will magically be all better as soon as you can cuddle with some fine piece of man? Yeah, that's been running through my head all weekend, and I hate it.
I need to find balance, I need to stop feeling like a freak for wanting to be held by a guy, I need to stop hating myself for wanting something that doesn't fit into what I really want.
In the town where we burried my brother, they have a tradition where families bring illuminaries to put on the gravesites. It's usually really pretty with all this faint lights decorating graves. I didn't get to fully appreciate it this year since we were early and most of the gravesites weren't lit up yet. After we dropped a lantern at my brother's grave we drove to the crazy grandma's house.
During the drive to Crazy Grandma's house I remembered a week ago when I apologized to my mom for something that may happen in the future: Me being hospitalized in an institution of some sort. She looked at me, obviously concerned, then I walked away, went into my room, texted a few people and hid in the corner for a while. After a while I looked at the angles in my room and planned ways to better arrange the picture to lessen the focus on the window in my bedroom. I felt better after that. After I remembered that I felt better. I don't know why.
I felt a little selfish when we pulled into my grandma's driveway, so I pulled myself out of it. I walked into her house, grabbed some Ritz crackers, a bit of the cheese ball, and a cup of wassle. I placed myself against the entertainment center partially participating in the conversation. I learned that my step cousin is the cheerleading coach where The New Kid is from, and she is also getting married the same day that my little cousin is.
My family asked about how many days until I move, they asked me if I was excited. I didn't really want to talk, so I let my mom and let her tell ridiculous stories about, "not letting the door hit me on my way out"
I find myself wanting to find a boyfriend. You know that lame idealistic fantasy that I'm sure you all have, where everything will magically be all better as soon as you can cuddle with some fine piece of man? Yeah, that's been running through my head all weekend, and I hate it.
I need to find balance, I need to stop feeling like a freak for wanting to be held by a guy, I need to stop hating myself for wanting something that doesn't fit into what I really want.
*yawn*
Okay, i think something is wrong, something just isn't right. There's a lot going on inside of me that I can't figure out. I feel bad i'm a horrible friend, but other than that I can't put my finger on it...
Friday, December 22, 2006
I've been meaning to blog about this for a few weeks now.
My favorite word to type with one hand is "average"
come on, give it a whirl...I'm sure you'll enjoy it as much as I did.
and one more for the road.
average.
Oh, and the visitor spotlight for the evening is from Snelville, Georgia. thanks for stopping by--and it IS okay if you leave a comment ;-)
Okay, seriously, i'm just in cruise control until Christmas is over. that's why there have been this really lame post, and the one prior. i'll work on that
My favorite word to type with one hand is "average"
come on, give it a whirl...I'm sure you'll enjoy it as much as I did.
and one more for the road.
average.
Oh, and the visitor spotlight for the evening is from Snelville, Georgia. thanks for stopping by--and it IS okay if you leave a comment ;-)
Okay, seriously, i'm just in cruise control until Christmas is over. that's why there have been this really lame post, and the one prior. i'll work on that
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