On January 6th 2006 I became truly converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ because I was finally able to base my faith on Him. At that moment I began to implement my extraordinary talent in the use of Google. I read everything I could on the topic (although I did shy away from anything put out by Evergreen—but I’ll get into that sometime later) I discovered a lot of blogs out there and began, at that time to start reading some of yours (I think it was LDSwithSSA (whom I’ve never commented on) I clicked the links that really started me on a journey with getting to know each and every one of you. The next that I remember reading was El Veneno’s, (Okay, I’m slowly coming to terms that, yes, I AM a cyber stalker.) Then I’m sure it was Elbows…and I’m so grateful that Samantha was the one who actually found ME—youre the best :-D
All of the information that was out on the web wasn’t really doing what I needed…I was coming to the conclusion that I needed to come out to someone or I was going to explode! (trust me it wouldn’t be a pretty picture) I was agonizing over it, I wondered who I could tell that wouldn’t shun me, or tell the world what a freak I was. After a moment of Prayer I was able to decide on Jim, a lawyer working in downtown Salt Lake, who randomly found me online 4 years previously—we kept in touch as he helped me get over the loss of my brother, and my struggle with other aspects of my life. I sent him the email and he was nothing but loving and understanding of my situation. He provided a listening ear whenever I had to deal with some angst, and for being a corporate attorney I was amazed he always found the time for me.
By mid February I needed some more support dealing with SSA, someone that I knew would be there no matter what time of the night it was, no matter what my mental, physical, or spiritual state of well being. I had a strong impression that I was to tell probably the most conservatively raised friends of the time, who most likely knew nothing of the subject. I was texting my friend, Roz late at night, mentioning that I needed to tell her something. I asked her to not tell anyone the information that I was going to confide in her,\ after she promised that she wouldn’t tell anyone I told her to look on Deseret Book’s website and look at the book In Quiet Desperation and the subject matter of that specific book was what I was struggling with.
I know this friend sometimes reads this blog…. hopefully this is a post that she’ll skip over… But she called me only moments later, I can’t remember what we talked about—only that it was extremely awkward. The next day I picked her up and we went and got some Wendy’s, we went to the bench on the hill in Rock Canyon Park and ate our food on a bench. I still talk with her a lot concerning the topic of SSA, she’s becoming more and more comfortable with it. We always play the game “Who’s gay in Roz’s ward,” and then there is always me whispering in her ear how hot I think a guy is at a ward activity—and trust me, we have a lot of fun with that. She later commented on how our relationship mirrored that of Will and Grace on the popular gay-com on NBC…I’m able to help Roz understand a lot of gay world, at that moment I was able to explain the concept of the “Fag-Hag” and how that usually isn’t a desirable position.
The next person that I was able to confide my struggle in was someone who has always been there for me, Jen. (byuskybluepink.blogspot.com) she’s amazing, she slaps me upside the head at least 4 times a day, she’s my institute buddy, and whenever I’m in the mood for a Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme, and a large Mountain Dew Baja Blast she’s always game. My dear friend, Jen also has this horrible luck when it comes to guys. Any guy that she’s ever had a crush on has turned out gay. For example Lance Bass, a former coworker, (not confirmed as of yet, but my gaydar works 100% of the time 60% of the time—and I just HAD to throw in an Anchorman reference… but really folks, my gaydar is amazing) and many others. I think my favorite moment was when I asked her via text message if she thought someone was gay, she then replied “I like him, he MUST be gay!”
Okay, well this is getting ridiculously long… but you are learning a lot about me. Which is all entertaining and such. But anyway, I’m so ready for bed (or a midnight run to Wendy’s…which sounds absolutely amazing right now...)
I think tomorrow I’m going to write about all the weird relationship that I’ve had with members of the opposite sex, the friendships, relationships, the one girlfriend—and that one time I lost my VL, and YES it was with a girl. HAHA, it surprised my parents too…no worries.
Ugh, after reading through this I realized that I didn’t even talk about coming out to my parents. Which is still a very interesting experience.
There will be a continuation...whenever I get around to it. but most of you know the story from here... so I may not be as diligent at finishing this as i previously though