Having a bad day.
I really don't like angst.
*le sigh*
My parents asked what was wrong, there are a lot of things going well.. but let's focus on the negative just because I'm in a pissy mood, and this is my blog.
I'm the new project in Elders Quorum, my bishop everytime he shakes my hand has that, "I'm so sorry" look in his eyes but he doesn't know how to help, in gospel doctrine they kept repeating the phrase "every young man needs to serve a mission." I felt more than one set of eyes land on myself. That felt absolutely wonderful. Oh, I also like guys--incase anyone didn't catch that.
When will attending church stop hurting? When can I go and have a positive experience?
I want to run away again, but I'm too scared to do it. I really need to take some time off of everything and go away for a while. like literally leave this place and put myself back together.
Also, recently the only thing that has kept me from "acting out" has been fear, not the love of the Gospel and Christ as it should be. I need to realign my focus.
but I'm lazy, so I'll probably just take a nap, wake up and spend way too much time watching movies or reading a pointless, badly written book.
About Me
- AttemptingthePath
- I’m a twenty-nothing who is trying desperately to figure out my seemingly complicated life that includes being a SSA/Homo/Gay/Whatever Mormon that has pathetically little control over my emotions. By day, I sell priestcrafts (“Have you heard of the new John Bytheway fireside on DVD?” It’s 20% off right now) to old women, who, in fact, think I’m quite endearing and buy four of said DVD. I’m going to pretend that the inverse of the previous statement isn’t necessary because I don’t think it’s any of your business what I do by night. I’ve been described as “adorable, yet offensive,” (OriginalMohomie, 2007) and “Immature.” (Master FOB, numerous occasions) I am still in love with Natalie Portman, hooded-sweatshirts, and quoting movies. And just like my last “about me”, this one is going to peter out at the end. Just … like … now.
1 comment:
Okay--just for you, ATP.
1. Every young man does NOT need to serve a mission. Naturally, if that's what you want to do, it would be an incredible experience--but don't go for anyone except you and the Big Guy.
2. Everyone hates to be a project--you can be mine, okay? Then you can let everyone in EQ know that I've already laid claim to you and I'm very possessive, so they need to BACK OFF (don't mention my size here, or they won't be as intimidated--and if you'd like, I'll send you an engraved "Samantha's Project" certificate, notorized, of course).
3. Church will stop hurting when you stop worrying about what other people think. Look in the mirror and work on thumbing your nose. Practice daily for a week--then try it during church. I promise, you'll feel better (and that will be a positive experience).
4. If you run away, make sure you have a place to go. Sleeping in the streets sucks. Also, make sure you'll still have a job waiting for you if you decide to come back because not having money sucks, too.
5. Hmmm...not acting out because you're afraid? Bad reason. I suggest you look for a better one, or throw in the towel (*Sam ducks all the rocks being thrown at her for this comment*).
Have a nice nap. I love you!!
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