Sunday, August 06, 2006

an excerpt from my thought process during sacrament meeting..

"Ugh, Bro. (expletive delete) just got up to share is testimony...wait. story-mony, dear God, please let something land on my head and kill me.

...

I wonder if I threw the tissue box cover (which is quite heavy and made of glass, sitting right next to the podium) with enough force if it'll kill Bro (Expletive delete).

...

Wow... I just thought about murdering some old man in my ward...i'm sure Jesus would be pissed. Hopefully He was too busy listening to Bro. (expletive delete not to notice me plotting someone's death"

And that was the end of that chapter, I feel a llittle guilty, but not too bad. hahaha

Anyway, my friend just recently acquired a boyfriend, I'm happy for her (Infact I just asked if i could be her maid of honor--No reply as of yet) although it makes me slightly jealous... but that lead for some more thinking on my part...which i'm becoming fast convinced that me thinking is never, ever a good thing.

I'm too a point in my life that all I want is for someone to be there to hold me, I still feel attracted to men, but the attraction to females is growing little by little...almost to the point where I could almost ask somone a girl on a date...and not feel like I'm lying to her. Now just finding a girl that I could stomach dating, or kissing.

Sorry, my blog never has any well formulated thoughts or ideas... but, i've learned from Sam and Ward that it's my blog...so if you don't follow it, go screw yourself =D (said with the most love possible)

Anywa, I've rambled enough for this evening. g'night kids!

4 comments:

Samantha said...

We live in a parallel universe when it comes to Sac. Mts. I had to listen to Sis. (expletive delete), and I'm not kidding, she talked for 20 minutes--we heard about her vacation, church history, family history, and then I stopped listening....

I drew the line at wanting to murder her--after all, there were small children present. However, I'm pretty sure God didn't miss your plotting.....

Don't push that dating/kissing/opposite sex thing--you've got plenty of time. As for wanting someone to hold you...Yeah, I know how that feels...might I suggest a really soft teddy bear...okay, not helpful...lame...it sucks a little bit, doesn't it...

Hang in there...I've got you covered--I'll talk to the Big Guy about it--see what he suggests. You, too????

-L- said...

There has to be one in every ward, that much I've learned over the years! I always remember that some of the brethren are able to learn something in EVERY sacrament meeting, and I assume this is not because they can count the sacrament meetings they've been to on one hand. I find it easier to get through the meeting by snacking on my son's cereal. Except on fast Sunday. Then, it's hard, but if you're sneaky enough you can still do it.

BTW, ATP, I appreciate all your comments. I haven't responded yet, but I'll try to.

I agree with Sam that you can't rush stuff. I had a serious problem with holding hands and kissing anyone. Pretty much, I didn't want to, and when I finally did do it, it was more because of social pressure than personal desire. Which is stupid.

Ward Cleaver said...

I can identify with the NEED and DESIRE to be held....to be protected.....to be comforted.
I need this from a male.....from my father! I need this from a male so I can move forward in heterosexuality. Ironic?

Proceed slowly and with caution.

You are entitled to your thoughts and feelings. Don't be hard on yourself. Remember you can't help the birds from flying over your head (your thoughts). But you can stop them from building nests in your hair (actions).

Elbow said...

Thank You for the comment you left me. I just want you to know that I admire you so much.

Thanks for letting me read what you have to say. I learn a lot from your experiences.