Sunday, November 26, 2006

I'm going to try this one more time




There is so much going on inside me. I can't really figure any of it out.

I don't quite know how to say it, but I'm going through cuddling withdrawals. It's been about a week (give or take a few hours) and when I have some alone time, all I can think about is how nice it would be if I could just hold some one's hand. That was so hard for me to write because I never wanted to admit to myself that I ever wanted that. Anyway, suffice it to say that I'm sorta experiencing some emotional crap-ocity right now.

Even though I want to jump someone, I have this sense of peace that what I did was the right thing for me to do. I know I won't ever regret that actions that I had to take to cut off contact with a certain individual...but I do acknowledge that it's been really hard because I just want to be held.

When I need to be held I feel that God loves me and I'll make it through. When I feel like giving up, He is telling me that He has more in store for me in this life than just living a homosexual lifestyle. He loves me, and that is the only reason why I haven't jumped off the deep end.

On a completely different note, I'm handing over my title as the youngest member in the queerosphere to my very, very good friend Sully He's entirely too heady and serious, but lets not hold that against him.

Okay kids, it's no where near as long or descriptive as I wanted to be--I'm still working on it, anyway enjoy your Sunday

6 comments:

Samantha said...

I think you're amazing, and I love your guts.

p.s. I noticed you kept the "Most Attractive" title...your generosity seems a bit limited...Oh! and I thought only -L- had the power to bestow titles...

Stephanie said...

I love you.

-L- said...

Sam: Ummm... I do? Well then, consider the title divided and bestowed! ATP: Thanks for the update, oh attractive one!

epadavito said...

I really love that picture, can't say any more

Elbow said...

You seem to have one of the most honest personalities I've encountered. I think you are in a good place, and I think that feeling the need to cuddle isn't a bad thing. It's normal. Congrats on feeling normal!

Sully said...

I love you too, AtP. :) I can't believe that I'm already scaring off readers because of my "tedious moralization." (Thanks, WordWeb!) I'll try to be lighter, and less boring, in the near future. Thanks for the feedback.

Oh, by the way, we're totally going to have some sort of fashion show and a vote as to who's the most attractive. Maybe you should wear the rainbow thong! AH! I'm wicked. I know I'll lose to you, so why should I even try? :) I miss you.