Towards the end of October 2006 I was jealous. I had been communicating with several people, learning more about them and how they’ve dealt with the issue, and when I learned of past transgressions I was jealous. I wanted to be able to experience that too and be able to bounce back stronger than ever.
This, as you can imagine, caused a great deal of angst.
After a few conversations with good friends, some time on my knees I got an answer I didn’t think I’d ever get from my Father in Heaven, “AtP, [yes, God often calls me by my blogging acronym] you can do whatever you wish to do. This is YOUR choice: not Samantha’s, or Tito’s, or anyone else’s. It is only yours. Just know that if you choose to leave the gospel I can’t bless you as much as I want.
Has anyone else wet their pants because they just got a scary answer from God? A whole world was open to me. I had options! I could choose how many blessings I would receive in this life. I was responsible for the happiness I’d have in this life and more so in the next…that’s freaking scary!
Since then I’ve sat in this awful fence-sitting predicament. I’m hoping it ends soon.