Sunday, April 29, 2007

Since By a Single Thread posted “Effing Plague,” I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind about how much pain homosexuality is causing.

My family for instance: my oldest brother was gay. That was, what I believe, my family’s first experience with an openly homosexual person. I found out when I was eight, but can remember instances where my brother talked about it when I was about 6. I told a few people when I was younger about my brother’s orientation at school, some overheard me and a few people relentlessly mocked me because I had gay brother. My parents had no idea what to do or handle the issue and I know it caused them incredible amounts of pain.

By a Single Thread wrote very honestly about what many of us go through. Tonight I’ve been wondering if there is a better way than just ignoring what we’re going through. There must be some fulfillment we can achieve in this life. There must be.

Moments are occurring more frequently in my life where I feel like I ‘m too far-gone, I can feel that this is wrong but those feelings are there nonetheless.

It’s past 5 am, and I can’t sleep, but I can’t think or write well…mostly because of the really long nap I took this evening. Anyway, so I’m going to publish this just so I can say I blogged…hopefully I’ll be more coherent later.

3 comments:

by a thread said...

It hurts like hell right now. But, I hope that you experienced the same thing that I did which was a good nights rest and now I feel a little bit better. The pain is still there though.

Samantha is amazing. Keep her close to you. She is a strength and a light. Love you.

epadavito said...

I've felt that way too - sometimes its like what in the world is the point of all this- there are certain things that trigger that feeling, and I'm trying to pin-point those things/situations/sights and then analyze why it makes me feel that way- and I think its helping.......its hard to find the line though between ignoring and understanding for me anyway

Kengo Biddles said...

AtP, you know more of my story than anyone. You know the heartach I felt after my bad choices, and many times I have felt "too far gone". It's a lie, and honestly, part of it is not doing the things you know to be right.

It was great to have you over for dinner. Come again, and hold Marko!