Monday, October 30, 2006

A Confession, A Warning

okay, I'm going to admit it, I'm not fat. In fact, quite the opposite--I'm rather thin, a lightweight, I wear an adult size small t-shirt, or, extra-small, I rarely find pants small enough in the waiste that fit properly. I know I'm skinny, and I'm okay with that.

But if you ever call me skinny, scrawny, emaciated, stick-like, I'll be wicked pissed, and will most likely never think the same of you again.

ex: Today after our fifth Sunday meeting, a high councilman walked over to the pew I was sitting in and shook my hand and then asked "How's Skinny doing today?"

If I was in the mood to mock him openly, I should've said "Not so great now since you pointed out that I'm thin... How's the Short Fat Bald Man doing today? I see your shins and cankles are still withstanding the weight you seem necessary to put on them"

Another thing: Don't call me young, or point out that I'm younger than you. I don't see age, it's one of the things I have no judge of. We're equal. Don't call me a baby, or don't get awkward when I mention what year I was born in. There is a reason why I prefer the company of those older than me--I like being around people older than me. I love learning from your experiences. I'm okay with being the token baby of the group, but if you mention it, I may just throw a tantrum.

(Exception to the aforementioned rule, Samantha,Darrin, Jerman, Carrot and Smurf who alone, have the exclusive right to call me Fetus--and ONLY because we overcame sleep together.)

Now this post may make me look like a complete and total (expletive delete) but I'm generally a nice person, as I'm sure some of you could testify of.

and before I dig myself deeper in this hole of looking like a not-so-nice-individual I think I'll go to bed.


Samantha said...

Okay Fetus, just so you know, "nice" is not descriptive of you. Your personality does not even begin to enter the realm of general niceness.

Wickedly funny, yes.
Openly mocking, yes.
Generous and kind, yes.
Lovable, delightul, friendly, yes.
Oh, and just for you--attractive, yes.

Just for the record--I prefer "genuine" to "nice", and you, my friend, are the real deal.

Samantha said...

Oh yeah, one more thing...I don't think Darrin has earned the right to call you Fetus, because he slept (and snored) through your entire conception--that's not even close to overcoming sleep.

Anonymous said...

Way to go dude.

I have no tolerance for stupidity either.


Anonymous said...

Ha! That's great. I once blew up at a Hollywood Video employee who told me you needed to be 18 to get a membership (I was 22 at the time)... Nowadays, I find myself dodging the "old" comments more and more often. Sick! I guess that's what I get for being 25 and single in a Mormon community :)