Thursday, December 14, 2006

Tales From Your Local Inspirational Bookstore Part II

Okay the past week at work as been excruciating. I only have 16 days left working there until I'll be moving out of the area, (15 days until Samantha comes to visit!!!!!!) I realize the end is coming, and I want it here faster so I can start my new life.

But the end means no more fun bookstore stories for everyone here...So I'll try to get as many good ones as possible before I leave. Skip the first one, it's lame, i just needed to vent about it.

--Last night a woman came in with an Angel Moroni Tree Topper, besides this being the most disgusting and trashy form of tree topper' available in the universe, she was in need covering up her nasty roots--it was obvious that the rug didn't match the curtains if you know what I mean. Now the Angel Moroni Tree Toppers have a hole where you can insert a branch into the tree, and it also has a base that sticks in the hole so you can display it as a statue (exponentially trashier as a statue). She came in with the base broken off, yet part of it was still in the hole where you'd put the branches, her nasty hair was frazzled, and she had a superior look on her face (girl please, get over yourself) and she demanded that I replace it. I told her we didn't have anymore (for some reason people just went ape-crazy over this kitschy bit of shiny plastic) "I'm aware you don't have any more, no one has anymore! I want you to replace it!" At that moment I realized Christmas lowers someone's IQ ateast 15 points. "Mam ( I only bust out the 'mam' when it's a particularly beasty customer) There isn't anything I can do for you" She glared at me, while the the line of customers grew behind her. I told her one moment. I went into the back, used a blowdryer to heat up the plastic and got some pliers and got out the plug, I took it out to her and she then told me I broke it and she couldn't use the base anymore. After she told me that I put it in a bag and asked for the next person to step up. I did what she freaking asked for then was mad that she couldn't display it as a statue because I broke it...even though she already FREAKING broke it before she brought it in.

--On a different note, SkyBluePink is taking over my job. I'm happy for her. I hope she is a great AtP replacement.

--I just recently noticed I haven't seen the man with ALS and MS and incontinence issues come into my store recently (All were lies--we each individually caught him in them. I blogged about him a few months ago) I guess the scurvy took over his body, or perhaps his Depends were too absorbent and they digested him. Anyway. moving on

--Okay, this one is the most awkward story I think I'll ever be able to share.

**phone rings**
ATP: "This is AtP, how may I help you this evening?"
Crazy Old Lady: "Yes? do you have Sheri Dew's phone number?"
AtP: "Ummmmm...."
COL; "I'm trying to reach Sheri Dew--Do you have her phone number?"
AtP: "No, I don't. Do you have a question?"
COL: "Is she still single?"
AtP: "yes, to the extent of my knowledge--she is still single."
COL: "Well, I'd like to have her meet somebody. I think they'd be a perfect match"
**at this point I'm at a loss for words**
COL: "Do you have the phone number to the Corporate Offices?"
AtP: "Sure, let me grab that for you..."
COL: "Is that going to be long distance?"
AtP: "Yes, it is a Salt Lake phone number."
COL: "Well, I don't like making long distance calls. Could you please call her and tell her to call me back?"
AtP: "No, I don't feel comfortable doing that, did you need anything else?"
COL: **Sounding hurt ** "No...I guess not...Are you sure there isn't any way you could do that?"
AtP: "No. Enjoy your evening."

I hung up the phone and almost threw up because I was feeling SO awkward about the situation. I then recited the story to my fellow co-workers, and a few customers who really did get a kick out of it. I felt sick the rest of the evening.


socal said...

ATP... I can totally relate to the Sheri Dew calls/comments. Having worked at the corporate office of your favorite inspirational bookstore for a couple of years, I'd hear Sheri's administrative assistants getting some very wacky calls. What is it with crazy Utah Mormons who feel the need to set her up? I always want to scream to them "mind your own freakin' business!"

Anyway, good luck in your future endeavours. Hope all is well!


Loyalist (with defects) said...


that was too funny. thanks for the laugh.

good luck and best wishes

Stephanie said...

I freaking love you.

Kengo Biddles said...

Your treatment of Moroni-kitch woman was WONDERFUL. How many times have I wanted to something like that!

"McDonald's is in Avignon and Fish and Chips in Marseille. ALLEZ!"


Samantha said...

Dear AtP,

Before you leave your current post, will you please set me up on a date with Sheri Dew?

Wait...I'm not single...crap...

SkyBluePink said...

I can never replace you.

Sully said...

We all know Sheri Dew's lesbian.

Man, God probably hates me. I'm so terrible.

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