Okay I'm back everyone. I decided that after Samantha left I was going to take a break from feeling for a while. It was a nice little vacation, but I'm back. It turns out when I ignore stuff I can't sleep well, which in turns makes me too tired to go to class, makes me not want to eat like I should, and then my life slowly starts to fall apart. Shucks. I used to be really good at shoving everything underneath a rug.
This is terrifying. I've always been able to ignore whatever I wanted for much longer than this. I went three years with ignoring the fact that my oldest brother who was also my best friend killed himself. I ignored the fact that I'm gay for at least a solid 8 years. I was only able to make myself not feel for 4 days. FOUR DAYS! I'm scared this is going to be much more exhausting than I previously thought.
It's time to leave the fence again, put on my brave face and do everything in my power to become who I was meant to become...but I'm so tired.
One day I'll be able to trust myself in any situation, there will be a day in my life when I won't plan my escape everytime I enter a room, I'm hoping that one day I won't over analyze everything that people say. One day I will be happy.