Okay. I'm a little frustrated at work. The reason? I'm training the new guy...for the purposes of naming him in the Queerosphere I think I'll call him SSG (Stupid Straight Guy) . Here's a list of things that I wish I could put in his locker...but... I can't
Dear SSG,
-Your cologne smells like my old dog
-You sound like a used car salesmen when talking to customers. It annoys them, and makes you look white trash.
-You say really, really stupid things
-You answer your cell phone on the floor, yet you don't answer the store phone.
-You have really bad hair
-Your ten-key abilities are that of an Ethiopian 4 year old.
-You keep saying "gay" when you should really be saying, "stupid," or, perhaps, "lame"
with respect,
Your not so-straight training supervisor.
About Me
- AttemptingthePath
- I’m a twenty-nothing who is trying desperately to figure out my seemingly complicated life that includes being a SSA/Homo/Gay/Whatever Mormon that has pathetically little control over my emotions. By day, I sell priestcrafts (“Have you heard of the new John Bytheway fireside on DVD?” It’s 20% off right now) to old women, who, in fact, think I’m quite endearing and buy four of said DVD. I’m going to pretend that the inverse of the previous statement isn’t necessary because I don’t think it’s any of your business what I do by night. I’ve been described as “adorable, yet offensive,” (OriginalMohomie, 2007) and “Immature.” (Master FOB, numerous occasions) I am still in love with Natalie Portman, hooded-sweatshirts, and quoting movies. And just like my last “about me”, this one is going to peter out at the end. Just … like … now.
3 comments:
I read your list with the Sean Connery voice from snl- it makes more sense that way.
Ugh. And guess who gets to close with him next tuesday...
Kill me. Please?
In other news, you are amazing.
How dare you insult Ethiopian 4 year-olds like that. I rebuke you on their behalf!
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